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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28282653">whatever our souls are made of (his and mine are the same)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadWolfGirl3/pseuds/BadWolfGirl3'>BadWolfGirl3</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ngymobblepot rewrites (nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong) [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gotham (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Ed POV, Ed is not frozen y’all, Episode: s03e22 Heavydirtysoul, Fighting, Hopeful Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I’m flipping the script, Kissing, M/M, Nygmobblepot, So much angst, do i care?, i think, if i forgot tags I’ll add them later, its mostly sad, it’s once again 3 in the morning, no</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:00:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,711</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28282653</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadWolfGirl3/pseuds/BadWolfGirl3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ed shuts the door of the police cruiser and gives Oswald a pointed look. He remains silent as he watches him limp towards the edge of the pier then follows, his grip on the gun in his hand tightening. </p><p>“Here we are,” Ed says quietly when they stop. “Again.”</p><p>Oswald does not reply.</p><p>It was raining the last time he did this, too. How fitting.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ngymobblepot rewrites (nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong) [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826824</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>whatever our souls are made of (his and mine are the same)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey all! Look who’s back! It’s honestly been too long, but life and other stuff got in the way (I got hung up on NANOWRIMO- did anyone else participate? What did you write?). Thankfully, school is over for the next two weeks and I have all the time in the world to write! Yay! So I’ll be (hopefully) churning out a couple of fics within the next few weeks, including this one.</p><p>I got the idea for this one from DilynAliceBlake, who said they would love a fic about the pier scene at the END of season three, the one where Ozzie freezes Ed, where Ed is instead unable to shoot Ozzie because he can’t do it. And I thought that was a fantastic idea, and said I’d take it on. So DilynAliceBlake, I really hope you enjoy this one, and that I did your idea some kind of justice. </p><p>This one was a little tricky, because they’re in kind of a sore spot right now, but we’ll see how it goes. I took a lot of liberties. Bonus points if you know where I got the title from. Enjoy, y’all!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s cold.</p><p>The rain soaks into Ed’s jacket and the wind whips around him, chilling him to the bone. He can barely keep himself from shivering. Thunder rumbles in the distance, lighting lights up the dark grey sky.</p><p>It was raining the last time he did this. How fitting.</p><p>Ed shuts the door of the police cruiser and gives Oswald a pointed look. He remains silent as he watches him limp towards the edge of the pier then follows, his grip on the gun in his hand tightening. Oswald doesn’t say anything either.</p><p>“Here we are,” Ed says quietly when they stop. “Again.”</p><p>Oswald does not reply.</p><p>Ed feels like he has to say something. Anything to get the sudden heavy feeling in his chest to go away, to distract him from the voice in his head screaming <em>wrong</em> <em>wrong</em> <em>WRONG</em> over and over like a prayer. It’s quiet. It’s <em>too fucking quiet</em>.</p><p>Ed looks around, a pleasant smile on his face even as he feels himself rotting from the inside out. <em>Say something.</em> “Wow,” he finally breathes out, the word feeling awkward in his mouth, “I have to tell ya…”</p><p>He pauses as Oswald turns around. Gone is the man who begged and pleaded for his life, who reached out for forgiveness with bound hands to a man who was never going to grant him any. This Oswald is quiet and contemplative, almost determined in the way he looks Ed straight in the eyes.</p><p><em>This is your doing,</em> he says without moving his lips. <em>You are digging your own grave.</em></p><p>Ed resists the urge to shiver. Maybe he is. Maybe he’s dug himself so deep he can’t climb back out again. Maybe he’s stuck down here with the frigid earth and decaying bones, but it’s better than nothing. It’s better than staying the way he is. He <em>has</em> to finish this.</p><p>Ed finishes his thought. “This feels really great,” he growls, tightening his jaw and nodding his head once. It feels like he’s trying to convince himself of this.</p><p>Oswald finally speaks. “Glad I could help,” he says quietly, nodding a little.</p><p>Something -everything- about this feels wrong.</p><p>Ed takes a deep breath and let’s it out slowly. It’s cold enough on this god forsaken pier that he can see his breath when he exhales. “Any last words?” he asks.</p><p>He’s really doing this again. Oh, god, why is he doing this? What does this prove?</p><p>He <em>has</em> to do this. For Isabella. For himself. Oswald Cobblepot destroyed <em>everything</em> good in his life. He deserves to pay the price. It’s only fair.</p><p><em>He saved us,</em> a voice whispers in his ear, <em>made us whole. Does that not mean anything?</em></p><p>
  <strong>Shut up.</strong>
</p><p>Oswald deserves this. Ed can finally close the book on him, on them, and he can move on. He can-</p><p>“I’m fine for now.”</p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>Ed’s brain stutters to a halt, skipping like a broken record. He swears he can hear the needle scratching.</p><p>“I beg your pardon?” he asks, his voice low.</p><p>
  <em>Wrong, wrong, wrong…</em>
</p><p>“I’ll wait,” Oswald replies in the same tone of voice, patient and quiet and nothing like the Oswald Ed knows. His face is honest and open. The word pitying comes to mind, but it doesn’t fit right in his mouth.</p><p>“I’m going to <em>kill</em> you, Oswald,” Ed says slowly, like he’s explaining it to a child, “there is no later. If you have something to say” -he’s gesturing with the gun now, his voice getting louder- “<em>now is the time!</em>”</p><p>“Duly noted.”</p><p>This is wrong, this is wrong, this is so, so wrong…</p><p>He can’t turn back now. Ed thinks if he tried it would kill him.</p><p>“Oh, whatever,” he spits out, raising the gun. “I’m not letting you ruin this for me. You don’t have anything to say… but <em>I</em> <em>do</em>.”</p><p>Oh god, can he actually do this again? Can he stand on this <em>fucking</em> pier in the freezing rain and murder the only person who has made a difference in his miserable excuse for a life? The person he- the person he-</p><p>He can’t say it. Ed has to do this.</p><p>(He never had any other choice)</p><p>Good<em>bye,</em> Oswald,” he says, the words sounding like a plea dripping from damned lips. He tightens his grip on the gun, aims, and-</p><p>And- and- and-</p><p>
  <em>(I would do anything for you)(you are the best friend I ever had) (Ed, I love you)(I love you I love you I love you I love you-)</em>
</p><p><em>“Fuck!</em>” With an agonized scream Ed hurls the gun to the ground and fists his hands in his hair, knocking his hat to the ground. His head feels like it’s about to split in two.</p><p>Over the ringing in his ears Ed can hear Oswald’s voice, no longer calm and indifferent but high and worried. It feels like Ed is underwater. Shaking hands land on his shoulders, trying to keep him steady, but he jerks away as if he’s been burned.</p><p>“Don’t <em>touch</em> me!” he shrieks, stumbling back and nearly collapsing to the ground.</p><p>Oswald has his arms stretched out in front of him, palms open and empty. “Ed, calm down, everything’s-”</p><p>“Don’t tell me to calm down, Oswald!” Ed shouts, pointing a shaking finger at him. Oh god, he feels like he’s going to pass out. Or start crying; he thinks that if he starts, he’ll never stop.</p><p>“Oh god, oh god oh god oh god,” he whispers, fisting his hair again. He picks his head up and looks at Oswald, face twisting with anguish. “Damn you, Oswald! Damn you for the way that you <em>always</em>-” he cuts himself off and groans, pulling his hair harder.</p><p>“Always what, Ed?” Oswald demands. He sounds angry now, and frustrated and tired. “What do I always do? Please, enlighten me!”</p><p>“Make it impossible for me to hate you!” Ed bellows, eyes wide and angry as they connect with Oswald’s. “Because I <em>should</em> hate you! You took <em>everything</em> from me!”</p><p>“That woman would have destroyed you!” Oswald’s eyes are wild (and so, so blue) as he stalks closer. “It might have taken months, or even years, but eventually you would have killed her, Ed. I was saving you from that.”</p><p>“That wasn’t your decision to make!” Ed vaguely wishes he still had that gun. “And that’s complete bullshit! You and I both know you did it for purely selfish reasons!”</p><p>“Yes, I’m selfish!” Oswald shouts, now completely in Ed’s space. “Yes, every time I saw you together my blood boiled and I wanted to scream myself hoarse<em>. But I know you, Ed</em>! I know you better than I know myself!”</p><p>Oswald reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a fistful of bullets. He lets them spill to the ground like tears, tinkling softly as they land.</p><p><em>Wait</em>.</p><p>“I removed the gullets when you were knocked out.” Oswald sighs. “Then I called for backup, though I suspect they’re long gone by now.”</p><p>Ed’s mind races, trying to catch up with the flood of new information. Oswald watches sadly, jaw clenched tight.</p><p>“In the back seat… the pin I used to unlock my cuffs?” <em>Oh</em> <em>god</em>…</p><p>“My tie pin.” Oswald scoffs, looking almost annoyed. “I thought it should be personal.”</p><p>“You were just trying to make me think I had the upper hand.” He might be sick. “You knew that I’d bring you here.”</p><p>Oswald shrugs, eyes dark. “You’re more predictable than you think.”</p><p>Oh god, he was so, so wrong. Ed thinks his head might split open.</p><p>“Why didn’t you just kill me, Oswald?”</p><p><em>Why</em>? After everything that had happened… <em>why</em>?</p><p>Oswald sighs. “Purely selfish reasons, as always.” He swallows thickly, his throat bobbing. “I could never kill you. I <em>love</em> you. You can’t change that.”</p><p>It feels like there’s something caught in Ed’s throat. He can’t breathe. “I… I can’t… I don’t…”</p><p>“I’m not asking you for anything, Ed.” Oswald looks up at him with those blue, blue eyes and Ed feels like crying. “I don’t expect you to love me back. Not anymore. But…” he pauses, seemingly mulling over his thoughts. “But… you couldn’t kill me either.”</p><p>So many things between them go unsaid, and they can both hear all of them.</p><p>“No,” Ed replies after a beat of silence, his voice hoarse. He feels <em>raw</em>. A tear slips down his cheek. “I couldn’t.”</p><p>Oswald searched his face, looking for something Ed can’t determine. He must find it, because suddenly he’s getting up on his toes and pressing the softest kiss to his lips and <em>oh god Ed never knew he could feel this good and-</em></p><p>Suddenly desperate, Ed yanks Oswald closer to him, hands fisting in his rain soaked hair. He sobs against Oswald’s mouth, tears sliding down his face as the kiss deepens. He thinks his legs may give out.</p><p>(He loves him. God help him, Edward Nygma loves Oswald Cobblepot with everything that he is and nothing in the world can change that, no matter how hard he tries)</p><p>“I can’t forgive you. Not yet,” Ed gasps between kisses, the harsh reality of his words softened by Oswald’s lips.</p><p>“I can wait,” Oswald whispers, pulling him back in. “For as long as you need, I’ll wait.”</p><p>“I’m messed up. We’re messed up. I could hurt you.” God it’s hard to think clearly when Oswald bites down on his lip like that-</p><p>“I don’t care.” Oswald pulls back to lock gazes with Ed, lips kiss swollen and eyes a heartbreaking blue. “All I ever wanted was you.”</p><p>Ed swallows thickly, his throat tight. “Okay.”</p><p>Oswald smiles, a small, hopeful thing. Ed hopes it never goes away. “Okay?”</p><p>Ed nods. “Yeah. Okay.”</p><p>They’re fucked up. They’re fucked up and Ed is still raw inside, angry and hurt and oozing all over the place, and he doesn’t see a way this won’t end badly. They’ll break each other to pieces until there’s nothing left of either of them.</p><p>Ed can’t bring himself to care. Because when Oswald takes his hand in his own and presses another feather light, hesitant kids to his lips, he feels so <em>right</em>.</p><p>If this is how he gets to feel, like he’s finally where he <em>belongs</em>? Then he wouldn’t change any of it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>And there you go! I missed these guys, y’all, it’s been way too long. </p><p>If you have any ideas/prompts/whatever you would like to see from me, please go ahead and let me know! I had a lot of fun writing this and would love to hear from you guys. Like I said, I’m going to try and get out a couple more over the next two weeks before school picks up again. </p><p>Happy holidays, everyone! Please, please continue to stay safe. I love you all!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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